Middle School Help!!

[lswheatly]

I need some suggestions:

I have a son who is 11 and just entered middle school. He is having a difficult time with the kids ( we moved out of our old school distrcit so he does not really know any of the kids well at this school). In the 1st month he told us that he is always getting picked on, so I reported this to the Principal and for awhile, it seemed to stop.

Well today he got into a fight. The story is; a group of boys kept teasing him and he told them to stop. One of the boys pushed him and my son hit him back. The boy who pushed him was suspended. The boys explanation was that my son is a easy target for picking on..... I don't understand !

My son is a very quiet boy, he is shy and very polite, he does not bother anybody, he keeps to himself.

Any suggestions on how I can improve his time at school? Now he doesn't want to go back.

[clp8904]

Does the school have a school resource officer? Ours schools do, my son had an issue with one child in middle school and after the resource officer talked to him he never bothered my son again.

I am sorry your going thru this and understand your feelings.

[lswheatly]

Originally Posted by clp8904

Does the school have a school resource officer? Ours schools do, my son had an issue with one child in middle school and after the resource officer talked to him he never bothered my son again.

I am sorry your going thru this and understand your feelings.

I'm not sure, But I will look into this. I just don't want him to be scared to go to school.

Thanks for the information.

[tiffinpa]

This is a tough situation. If you feel you're not getting the help and protection needed from the school maybe you need to go directly to the other boys parents. Walk right up to their house, explain the situation or better yet, maybe your son can tell them what happened. No parent likes to be on either end of a situation like this.

[smo1g]

i work at a middle school as a counselor, what has helped is I talk to the child that is being bullied and seek his permission to have a group session with those that are bullying him. We then get together and talk about the situation and 9 times out of 10 it works, the bullies leaves the child alone. If it doesn't work I continue to work with both sides seperately. If the child does not agree I continue to speak with him and eventually they are ready to conquer the situation. My suggestion is to talk to the the school counselor and see if s/he is willing to help. Hopefully this gets resolved soon.

[bethanyam]

I agree with the counselor idea. My Oldest son had a terrible time the first 3 months of 7th grade because of bullies. The counselor was a big help and she was there when I couldn't be there (at school). It made him feel like he had a safe place to go at school.
Good luck. I know it is so hard to watch your child deal with these things.

[lucyrevenge]

I do not have alot of experience nor insight for you, but just wanted to tell you sorry to hear about your son having to deal with this.

In 6th grade, my grandmother swtiched me to a new school. It was terrible & I was bullied relentlessly. I told her & the teachers & the principal but no one listened to me. Bad memories....

So what I can say is thanks for listening to him. It's make all the difference in the world to know you are being heard. I hope that you are able to find help/resources at the school as well.

[jillynoodle]

awwww thats awful..kids can be so mean!! it would break my heart when someone picked on my kids i couldnt imagine all that...my kids both had to start new schools a couple times and it was hard on them in the begginning till they make that one friend, then everything seems to change from there...i do like all the suggestions everyone has said and also i would ask him if he would like to join a karate, kickboxing or something like that to get up his self esteem and also to not be afraid to go to school...my son is 17 now and he was always a stringbean just like his dad, about a year and a half ago he started to lift weights after school at the gym there and this year we joined him in a gym and he loves it and is getting quite buff and i can just tell he feels so much better about himself now...i do hope it gets better for your son, really too give him an open house to bring new friends over so he can get in his own click,once the bullies see he has friends it wont be as easy for them to be mean ugghhh i do hate when kids get picked on im so sorry that happened

[granviewgran]

Kids can be mean.

There is often one child who is the ringleader of the bullying and the others just follow along. This happened to my son for a couple of years, he is also quiet and easy going. As long as this one kid was around he would pick on on my son and others joined in.

If you think it may be one particular kid who is causing the problem then try to concentrate on getting the principal or counselor to work on getting that child to stop picking on your child.

I had to call the school several times to get the point across that he was to leave my son alone. I also asked that they do this in a manner that did not get my son teased for having his mom call school. Boys often feel they should handle it themselves. My son never wanted me to do anything but eventually I saw that this kid and his friends were never going to tire of having a target to pick on.

Eventually the boy moved away and solved the entire problem. My son has no problems now and has plenty of friends.

Another idea. Get your son to have some other kids over to hang out or even invite some kids to a halloween party at your home. Once a few kids get to know your son he may have a few kids on his side so at least he won't be going it alone. Our son was so shy that this worked for us and helped him get to know a few kids. We took a bunch of them bowling, had them over for a birthday and some of the kids ended up being great friends.

Don't be afraid to do something and to insist that the school do something. Childhood teasing can be devastating for kids.

GVG

[lswheatly]

Thanks for all of your suggestions, I think they will help.

It is much appreciated!