help with pregant friend\neighbor

[savingsmom]

I have a neighbor with whom I would like to become better friends with.
At this time she is pregnant and is about half way through, but is now having serious problems.
They are only asking friends right now for visits to the hospital - however when her hospital stay is over...
And bed rest begins or when they bring their first girl home - I would like to do something more - give a little gift or help in some other way.
Due to money and that we do not know what their personal preferences with brand names I would feel awkward with stock pilling baby or other products for them.
This mom ‘PT’ already has a young son and as that we already have 2 boys it would not be likely that we would be able to really babysit for them.
When I was pregnant I did have some problems at the end - but not to her extent - however I do realize that bed rest by choice or force can be very trying on someone.
Would any one know of any good, cheap, bed rest boredom busters ideas?
Or any good, cheap, long time to occupy a young boy just about anywhere ideas?

‘PT’ doesn’t really Q - but would maybe like to start.
Would anyone know what I could do\get someone that wouldn’t involve a lot of time or energy on either ones part that might help her get more into Qing?
I was thinking to give a few Q books (from dollar store) with a few web sites and perhaps a few really good long to expire Q - what do u think?

I already have a few baby clothes for her.
I don’t want to smother ‘pt’ with all kinds of stuff - and I am certainly not talking about giving all this stuff to them at once- more like when they are in the hospital then when they get back (whenever that might be) then again when the baby is home.
I guess that right now it feels that the only way that I can really show that I am there for them is to do\get them things - since even when they come home I wont be able to physically be able to help them with stuff. So I know that I should just give them the clothes and just leave it at that but...

One more thing to add is that ‘pt’ has had has had problems with miscarriages. If something does happen - what would be the best way to say that I am sorry. Are there any other things that I should be aware of doing or not doing or saying things with this particular topic? I just have never been around something like this and would not want to do something by mistake to cause them hurt.

Any other ideas or comments would be most help full.

[AlInAz]

Wow! How about sending over a meal? Or a Meal in a Basket that would need minimal prep (spaghetti/sauce/garlic bread???)

Maybe your neighbor would read Stephanie's ebooks. She is probably desperate for things to occupy her.

Coloring books or board books for the little one? Or you could download coloring pages for free from numerous websites.

If worst-case scenario happens, asap say "I'm so sorry for your loss." Offer to run an errand when you're going. Ask if there's anything you can pick up when you head out to do your shopping. (Maybe bringing something home for free or nearly free might really get her attention.) In my experience, the worst thing is to ignore a loss and not say anything! If you don't know what to say, admit it. Say "I don't know what to say. I can't imagine what you're going through." Offer a hug if the person seems receptive.

HTH,
Allison

[Bear]

A meal is a great idea. I know you said you could not babysit, but could bring her older child over for a playdate once a week with your children? That older child is going to get quite bored with mommy not going to be able to get out of bed. Plus sounds like mommy could use some rest.

[cboyer]

What a wonderful caring neighbor you are! I think you already know what to say, its in your heart, you just have to trust yourself to do the right thing. In my experience, when someone is insightful enough to ask these questions then they already have the empathy and skill to apply them. We all could use a neighbor like you ♥♥

[E Jet]

The idea for meals are wonderful! I love to freeze meals like lasagna in the use and toss foil tins you get at the dollar store with instructions on top... That way there are no dishes to wash or return.. That can take a bit of stress off the family.
When one of my friends was on BR they turned her room into entertainment central; they put the computer to the right of her bed and the TV to the left… They even set up small tables and would have friends over for the “dining out” experience, and even had pajama parties so she would not get lonely.. It was so fun!! I know everyone has different reasons for bed rest and my friend’s was not too serious, but she said it really helped on those really bad days to know that her friends would be coming soon..
I wonder if she might like suduko or something like that?? Needle work or crocheting is always great to pass the time..
I hope that she will have a happy and healthy baby.. I do understand the pain of trying to conceive as well as having many miscarriages. It is a pain that few understand and sadly many say things in trying to help that do not help and only cause more pain at the time.. I do not say that to scare you or make you feel that you shouldn’t say anything because as mentioned above that is far worse. The first thing I should mention is that it is a loss.. It is a deep loss for which there is no feeling closure. There is no official time of mourning, to funeral to grieve, and no child to hold; it is only loss. The worst thing that one can do is try to put a positive spin on it even if their heart is in the right place in saying things like: Well, at least you know you can get pregnant, You can get pregnant again, Well, at least it wasn’t like you having the baby THEN losing it, You can always adopt, etc.. Just be there..
You can also find cards and other ideas and tips if you google ‘I will hold you in heaven’ and miscarriage cards..
She is so lucky to have a neighbor like you! I hope all will be well soon.

[Sylvia]

Do you know if she is crafty? Maybe a skeen or two of yarn and a crochet hook and a beginners book might be fun for her.

Books are always great.