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07-01-2009, 12:57 PM
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Any caregivers out there??
As many of us are, my husband and I are now faced with the failing health of our parents. My FIL has late stage alzheimers and my MIL is currently in the hospital for a heart attack and stroke as a result of the heart attack. My MIL was taking care of my FIL before but now she is not capable. Even if we got 24hour care my MIL would not be able to live in her home due to the floor plan. No bathroom or bedrooms on the first floor. Our home would work for them and they are more than welcomed to live with us. I am a bit scared though. Finacially we are in rough shape. I work 2 jobs and my husband 3 and we are barely making it. With working like this we are both exhausted already. Of course we would need to bring in help but I do want to hear from other caregivers to see how this effect home life and finances. We are having a family meeting Friday and I want to have some knowledge with me to help in the decision.
 I also need to mention I have a 15 year old at home and another SIL nearby.
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07-01-2009, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I coupon, therefore I am.
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07-01-2009, 01:43 PM
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My heart goes out to you. This is a tough road and you are to be commended to opening your home to your family. God will bless you in this endeavor. However difficult, the financial and personal impacts have to be brought into the open and agreed upon with all family members. Perhaps if you could look at all the options - renovating their home to a better floor plan and bringing in home care there, a nursing home, etc etc. These may be options that you are absolutely against but it gives an idea of the costs involved so that others in your family understand the scope of the task. The financial burden has to be shared by all, and the caring burden should be shared also so that you and your family are not overwhelmed by it all. Getting this agreed now will help prevent resentment building up later and will hopefully bring the whole family even closer together.
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07-01-2009, 02:05 PM
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Quote:
Last edited by nurse334; 07-01-2009 at 02:10 PM.
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07-01-2009, 02:50 PM
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ay ay ay..........
first, be realistic of what you are capable.........if you aren't healthy etc you won't do anybody any good. And if you can't handle it financially it may very well be the last straw. second, know that although everyone has the best intentions things often do not work out so easily. My cousins just took care of my aunt. She basically needed round the clock care and it was a major burden on them. They were exhausted from it. One cousin was home all the time while the other works and came in the evenings. Also the bickering over who did what took its toll. She has since passed on and there is a lot of bitterness. Really, really talk with everyone. Find out what community resources are available. Have a tape recorder at the meeting so there is no doubt as to who has offered to do what. Hate to say this but you can't always count on family. its never easy but whatever decision you make know that you've done your best.
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Carol
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07-01-2009, 05:19 PM
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With your MIL still in the hospital I would talk with the Case Management team and see what every available resource in your community there is. Maybe an adult day care service, home health, meals on wheels, private care takers etc. Some of these services may help ease some of the stress.
And like others have said sit down and lay it all out with your family. Everything from finances, living arrangements, schedules as to when you'll get relief etc. Make a list of all your concern and expectations. If it's not something that everyone can handle then nursing home might be an option. A hard decision I understand. Make sure you check them out like said above check them out at different times during the day to see how things look. No matter what you've got some tough decisions to make. God bless.
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07-01-2009, 07:24 PM
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Would it work to switch houses? Just a thought. I watched the PBS special last night on bringing a relative into the home who had alzheimers. It broke the family up within a year because they didn't ask for a lot of outside help and there was a lot of resentment of having to take care of her. The wife told her husband "no one asked me if I wanted to do this. They just expected me to because I was at home. It's not even my mother." And it just went downhill from there. You should look this up at PBS online. The woman had a teenager also. It will take more than just a family meeting. It will take training on how to care for a relative at home. I wish you and your family the best in choosing what is best for everyone.
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Twitter me @ Julie Felton
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07-01-2009, 10:49 PM
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I work for a home care agency and can testify that having a family member who needs 24 hour care is not a one (or even 2) person job (maybe the stress of the caregiving is partially to blame for MIL injury)- this is definitely one of those situations where it "takes a village". So, as others have said, if you do decide to take on the role of primary caregiver- make sure there is a relief schedule in place.
A better option may be to keep MIL & FIL in their house and rotate caregiving responsibilities- what about converting a dining room or living room to a bedroom? Sounds like the stroke was large enough that MIL mobility was impacted so Medicare/case management should be able to get a hospital bed and commode to use instead of her usual bed & toilet. Regarding showers/baths- many people have subsited for years with only bed baths available (not optimal but....). Once home, make sure case management has arranged for home health physical therapy (and possibly occupational and speech therapy) to come in and help with the transition. If nothing else, the therapists should be able to help with "caregiver training" to help you & family & paid caregivers learn to appropriately assist MIL (and if appropriate, help MIL regain the ability to climb the stairs to the bed/bath). Regarding FIL, check with case management or state agencies (department of health services is a good place to start if case management doesn't know any resources) to see if your state will help provide a paid caregiver due to the Alzheimer's diagnosis (my SIL did this for about 3 years with her MIL- California makes you take a short course and a test to become a certified caregiver and get paid for what you (or someone else) will be doing anyway). I would also check with the local chapter of the Alzheimer's association for any resources they can give you. Sorry this is such a long post but I've walked into so many situations where the family was totally unprepared for the impact the caregiving would have, I'm glad to see someone thinking ahead! Best of luck- I pray that the resources and solution that is best for your family will be easily found!
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07-02-2009, 12:04 PM
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Their doctor can arrange for home health care to come in a couple times a week, occupational and physical therapy as well as a bath aide. I believe Medicare covers most, if not all of it.
My mom is very ill and hospice has started coming this week.
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