A small vent...what do you think?

[clovis]

I just want to vent a little.

This week, Meijer in our area is running a killer deal. Buy 5 cans of Campbell's Cream soup and a loaf of Pepperidge Farms bread, and get $5 off your next order. When you combine these soups with in store coupons and MFQ's, the deal costs less than $5.

The deal also rolls without problems. I learned that I can use the overage from the $5 OYNO to combine it with another 4 cans of Select Harvest soup for an even better deal.

When it is said and done, 9 cans of soup and a loaf of nice bread is 40 cents OOP.

This is where the frustration starts, even though it shouldn't bother me a bit:

I was blessed to have gotten about 50 sets of inserts, which has really made this deal work. I spent a ton of time cutting those Q's today from the inserts.

I spent a ton of time printing the store coupons so they would match up with the MFQ's I have on hand.

I studied the deal on the internet, using the company website for an ad (I am on slow dial up), and read the forums (thank you everyone for the help!). This enables me to find the best deals.

Tonight, we had supper with these people. They were all excited about the coupon deal...and even though I had all the store Q's and the MFQ's paper clipped together and ready to go, they kept refusing again and again to go with us. We were directly across from the Meijer store, and the entire shopping trip for them would have been less than 5 minutes.

I am told these folks are literally living paycheck to paycheck, week after week, so it isn't about them not needing the nearly free deal on stuff they already buy.

But I know they will be at our house sometime soon, and will want to partake in the great deals...even to the point of offering us the 40 cents per deal they want to take.

It just gets old doing all of the work of cutting, sorting and deal seeking, but then have some people wanting to score the great deals...but never willing to shop for them.

Again, I know this is something that should not bother me a bit. Maybe I am too emotionally involved. I gladly drop off loads of stuff at food pantries without a second thought...but for some reason, I am tired of being the treasure trove of deals for the few that won't even shop with us, even when it is extremely convenient and unbelievably easy with virtually no time involved.

I have another family member that also loves the savings. All I have to do is line up the deals, give her the Q's, and she will beat me to the stores, and then thank me profusely for the next two years. I am always happy to set her up!!!!!!!

My sister is also appreciative. Let her in on a deal, and she is forever grateful, and often will help me in whatever way I need. Her attitude is super!!!!

Your thoughts, ideas, opinions, and stories, please.

[couponfreak09]

ok kinda didnt understand who the "folks" were... but yeah you can only do so much for people... if they wanna save let them start saving for their selves... its hard but i have learned that doing for others is a great deed but when you get taken advantage of bc ppl are LAZY or inconsiderate SCREW THAT!

=)

your a very sweet person to help others and trust me ur gonna def get your blessings,...

[bethanyam]

I have family like that and friends as well. I'm to the point I don't mention much except to my sister who will get in a few deals here and there. I do however do my mom's coupons and help her shop, but she has no resources to get a newspaper or other coupons unless I sign her up for things I find along the way.

I quit bringing up my deals because I got sick of people calling me with their grocery lists wanting to know what coupons I had, or who'd come to my house and ask if they could have this or that....cause they know I didn't pay much for it...It just ticks me off... Now all of my stockpile is out of site in rubbermaid tubs, or even boxes. I don't have multiples of much in my cabinets because of this. I have my boxes/tubs numbered and have everything written in a notebook of how many are in what box, so I know when I will need more.

I've even lost a couple of "friends" recently...I'm not sure if it's me or them that are changing....but I feel like they have been taking advantage of me....and honestly I've learned to say no. So after a while of saying, No I can't watch your kid today or We are eating out tonight (uh sorry I told a lie here) and I'm not cooking, a couple of my friends just quit calling. I hate it, and maybe I'm becoming "witchy" in my old age (not really only 34) but I'm tired of people calling me at 5 pm asking what I'm having for supper and oh do I have enough for 3 more....or oh I didn't want that...I think we'll go to hubby's moms instead.....UGH...is this right in anyone's mind?!?!?!

Ok sorry I had my own little vent there. In my mind I'm willing to help anyone, but I can't do it for them....and I'm not going to, with a few exceptions here and there. I work hard at finding deals, and I know you do to. I don't have any advice as to what to do about it.... I do look forward to seeing other insight and opinions on this.

[clovis]

Originally Posted by couponfreak09

ok kinda didnt understand who the "folks" were...

I edited the OP to read "people" instead of "folks".

I want to be clear...these people I am refering to are not my parents. My mom has been couponing years before it was ever cool. I think she was couponing seriously in the early 80's...in fact I know she was.

Mom taught me everything I've ever known about couponing and more. She is super sharp, and very saavy. There are not many deals that get past her.

My sister calls my mom "The Rainman of the grocery store", and I call her "the walking and talking human version of Couponmom." My mom is not only EXCELLENT at couponing, she is ethical and fair too.

99% of the time, my mom is enhancing and building up my grocery savings and deal makings, normally at her expense in time, labor, coupons and personal savings. My mom is always offering to help me cut, sort and pull coupons, and then she usually buddies up with me for a shopping trip once a week.

And for what it's worth, my parents have waaaaaaay too much class to do what those other people do.

[ameeker]

My dad always says "you can give a cow a Hershey bar, but it still won't give you chocolate milk". Some people, and I can't explain why, are resistant to getting a good deal and shopping with coupons. They are happy to take advantage of your good deals, but they can't be bothered with the details or learn to do it for themselves. In our society there are people that have been raised thinking that using coupons is like stealing or cheating or that coupons are a scam. It just goes to show that people don't understand the marketing of grocery items. My own mom is stellar at finding good deals, but doesn't use coupons at all, but then again she doesn't have money trouble or live beyond her means. I've tried a couple of times to gently help friends and family members that are having money trouble, and to some extent I've been successful. But it takes a little time to sink in and turn them around, and some folks will never come around and it's best to just accept it and limit their oppotunities to take advantage of you.

[CMUGRAD]

Boy I can totally relate to what you are saying....

we have a similar problem...except...the people that we know don't want to take the time or money to do it because it cuts in to their beer drinking time and money....but if I mention I got a good deal on something....she will actually ASK me to give her the stuff I got the deal on.

I find that a bit rude in my opinion....it would be one thing if I offered to help them out, but to ASK me to give them stuff, while they set around wasting their money on beer....nope....sorry...do for yourself first and then I might do for you.

[nurse334]

how does that old saying go "you can lead a horse to water...." I wouldn't even mention the deals anymore because even though they live pay check to pay check they surely don't need or want your help jmo

[CherryPicker]

This is a most interesting thread. Hopefully, I can add something insightful.

CouponMom is provided free to all users with the hopes that we use our coupon deals to get at least one item a week for charity. Who we define as charity is a personal decision. Some choose food pantries, others know relatives/friends down on their luck, there are those who focus on homeless shelters, and others like to donate free pet food to animal shelters, and the list goes on.

I'm getting the sense in this thread, that there is a struggle going on with defining charity vs. bailouts.

Without wishing to take a moral position, Here are my thoughts on the matter. Charity is giving someone a hand up who may not have otherwise had one. It is done of our own free will, and with the hope that it somehow makes a difference.

Bailouts on the other hand are the expectation that someone will be repeatedly rescued whether it is from your coupon deals (with no effort of their own), repeated financial assistance (again with minimal to no effort of the recipient) and so forth.

There is a fine distinction between charity and bailouts, and again a personal decision. Having said all of this, some of you may know that I am a HUGE Dave Ramsey fan, and that he uses the word boundaries quite often. I am a big believer in boundaries. Boundaries exist for a reason.....to minimize being taken advantage of.

And just a word of encouragement, many of you get up very early/stay up late to work on your coupons/deals/ and then the time spent to hit the stores. You spent your time/effort/energy to do that. You also had a game plan to help your family, your charities of choice, and so forth. If others weren't willing to do likewise, never let them make you feel guilty.

I sincerely hope that helps someone today.

[jamielynne]

Maybe it's a pride thing.
I know that I have many time been in the situation you are in - with my neighbor. He knows how I shop, and we have even shopped together on numerous occasions, yet he still wants me to pick up good deals for him. I've just been not telling him lately when I go to the store (I was doing it to be nice because he doesn't drive). So now, when he needs something, he'll come see if I have it and I'll sell it to him. $1 for paper towel, $1 for 4pk of tp. Or I'll come up with a suitable price that we both agree on for whatever else. Back when we got BOGO Purex at CVS with BOGO ip's. He got all 4 bottles but paid me $5 for them becuase he was too lazy to figure out how to set up his printer to his laptop. (He is 26 and single and lives alone). Anyways, back to the pride issue. Maybe they feel ashamed that their situation is what it is so they dont' want to feel worse about it by showing the public their hard times by using coupons. Could you suggest that the wife come over and clip q's with you, then show her how you find the deals and go to the groc together? Show her how stocked you are and how you paid pennies on the dollar for it - All because of Coupons. There should be no shame in it. HTH

[Erika]

It sounds like you really need to say something. I have friends who work for me and I have family who can't be bothered with the coupon thing. In both situations, sometimes I have to pipe up and say that something is bothering me about their behavior, but I don't want to say it in a way that hurts their feelings or that causes bad air between us. I genuinely like these people, but I don't want to feel bad or used either. I tend to say it in a humorous way so that they get what I'm saying, but there isn't much tension. It may be easier on me because all my friends know that I have OCD, ADD, and foot-in-mouth syndrome....so they usually understand that I don't mean to offend. But if you don't say something, you're going to become more and more resentful. These people are oblivious to the fact that they're taking advantage of your hard work. I'm sure they wouldn't do it intentionally if you could find a lighthearted way to inform them that they are.

With a hand on your hip and wagging one finger, and a mock look of seriousness...address them like an overly dramatic parent. "I'll give this to you just this one time, but after this, you have to go and do the deal yourself. I'm willing to teach you to fish, but I will not keep giving you my fish...unless you're going to come over here and wash my car or clean my house or something."

Or you can beat them to the punch one day. Say, "Hey, I just thought of a great way for me to earn a little extra money for my time and energy that I spend couponing. I'm going to let my friends and family buy some of the items from me for halfway between what I pay for it and what the retail cost would be. That way I get compensated for my work and they still get the stuff cheaper than if they just went shopping without coupons. What do you think? Of course you guys would be welcome to be my first customers since you don't have time for couponing."

Maybe then they'll see that you feel there is value in what you do. And they'll either ask you to teach them to coupon, or they'll offer to wash your car or buy some stuff from you.