I work for a home care agency and can testify that having a family member who needs 24 hour care is not a one (or even 2) person job (maybe the stress of the caregiving is partially to blame for MIL injury)- this is definitely one of those situations where it "takes a village". So, as others have said, if you do decide to take on the role of primary caregiver- make sure there is a relief schedule in place.
A better option may be to keep MIL & FIL in their house and rotate caregiving responsibilities- what about converting a dining room or living room to a bedroom? Sounds like the stroke was large enough that MIL mobility was impacted so Medicare/case management should be able to get a hospital bed and commode to use instead of her usual bed & toilet. Regarding showers/baths- many people have subsited for years with only bed baths available (not optimal but....). Once home, make sure case management has arranged for home health physical therapy (and possibly occupational and speech therapy) to come in and help with the transition. If nothing else, the therapists should be able to help with "caregiver training" to help you & family & paid caregivers learn to appropriately assist MIL (and if appropriate, help MIL regain the ability to climb the stairs to the bed/bath). Regarding FIL, check with case management or state agencies (department of health services is a good place to start if case management doesn't know any resources) to see if your state will help provide a paid caregiver due to the Alzheimer's diagnosis (my SIL did this for about 3 years with her MIL- California makes you take a short course and a test to become a certified caregiver and get paid for what you (or someone else) will be doing anyway). I would also check with the local chapter of the Alzheimer's association for any resources they can give you.
Sorry this is such a long post but I've walked into so many situations where the family was totally unprepared for the impact the caregiving would have, I'm glad to see someone thinking ahead! Best of luck- I pray that the resources and solution that is best for your family will be easily found!
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